so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
