I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
