I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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