can u get pink eye on your cock?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
