somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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