I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
