how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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