He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
