I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
