whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
