i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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