he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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