dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
