he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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