We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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