are you so shy because you have an std?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
