Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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