Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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