A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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