I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize