Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
