walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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