i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
