I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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