Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
