Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
