That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
