Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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