I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
