So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize