If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
