ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
