I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
