Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
