i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize