I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
