i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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