i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
