What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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