I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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