Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
