dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
