She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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