all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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