woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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