Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
