Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
