There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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