You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
