You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
