You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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