you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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