At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
