Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
