hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
