Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
