I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
