New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize