You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
