Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
