And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
