I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can feel your judgement through the phone
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
