we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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