you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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