i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
