I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
