My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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