Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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