its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
