Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
