i jhust puked up my retainher.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize