rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
