Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
