my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
