He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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