Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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